A Tale of Two Cultures Part 4: Money, Success, Fame and Glamour

By Michael Baumwohl

If you have ever seen the film “Legally Blonde,” then you might recall Elle Woods’ traumatizing breakup with hey boyfriend Warner. Despite the silly stereotypical behaviors of laying in bed, eating chocolates and crying to sappy chick flicks, many of us can relate her behaviors to our first heartbreak. If you remember yours, how did you handle it? Were you the one who ended the relationship, or did you get dumped, and what did you do after the fact? My first heartbreak left me as much of a wreck as Elle Woods, but I made sure to use nonfat ice cream. The ability for one movie to show a specific life situation, relatable to a wide range of audiences, demonstrates the true power of the media.

Through a variety of mediums, including television, magazines, and the Internet, we are able to learn just about everything: from how to tie a tie, how to build a rocket and even how to fit into a social role. Erving Goffman once said that social interactions occur “when an individual enters the presence of others” and information is exchanged to determine how one sees oneself and whether any person is deemed trustworthy (1959). It is this 60-year-old sociological work that explains how information defines a social situation and helps others know how to act and respond accordingly. But what does a white heterosexual man know about gay culture? The answer is that Goffman’s theories provide insight into how culture is created and more specifically how gay stereotypes exist.

Referring back to “Legally Blonde,” you might recall how Elle Woods got a manicure to make herself feel better. It was at this point in the movie where Elle decided to win her boyfriend back by changing herself and becoming a law student. This memorable scene demonstrates a common struggle and social identification process that gay men go through every single day by trying to answer the question, “what does it mean to be gay?” We can see through countless T.V. shows that the media tends to focus on extreme behaviors, such as being overly flamboyant for men and aggression for women. However, the media is not always known for being fair and honest, since the majority of gay men and women are just as normal as heterosexuals appear to be. After getting to know many gay individuals, I realized that not all fit the stereotype. Before I had met them, the media was my primary teacher of how to act as a gay man. Stereotypes of gay culture are clearly shown in shows like “Glee,” where in one episode Mr. Schuster splits the club into males vs. females, and Kurt, the openly gay character, chooses the female side, recycling one of the oldest clichés of the sensitive gay boy who desires to be a girl.

The entertainment industry further demonstrates these stereotypes with Marc from “Ugly Betty,” the flaming assistant in the fashion industry; Lloyd, the bitchy gay receptionist in “Entourage”; the gay couple on “Modern Family,” from their purple clothing choices to former ice skating careers; Perez Hilton (need I say more?); every aspect of “Project Runway,” from Tim Gun to Christian Siriano; and last but not least, Adam Lambert’s debut album cover with black nail polish, glitter and lip gloss. With these images, it’s clear to assume that “fierce” and “fabulous” are the primary semantics that encompass gay language, far more complex than any of J.R.R. Tolkien’s elves or orcs. Gay identity then seems to religiously focus on the four elements: money, success, fame and glamour. The media bombards gay culture with this colorful and eccentric world, but is it fair to say that the media is the creator and primary contributor of this flamboyant lifestyle? Does the media give us culture to relate to? Or does gay culture relate to what the media presents?

Assuming that the average gay man and woman prefer professions of the opposing gender due to hostility in pursuing careers in sync with their genders, is it fair to say that the masculinity association with lesbians and femininity of gay men is present before they self-express or choose a job? Or does gay culture impose certain characteristics requiring a self-transformation like Elle Woods? From personal experience, I recall walking up and down Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica and seeing countless advertisements of men with rock-hard abs, firm jaws and seductive eyes. Abercrombie & Fitch with its half-naked models seemed to not only catch my eye, but also tell me how I should look first, dress second, or if at all. From such shows as “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” and “Will and Grace,” I assumed gay men were flamboyant, fashion-obsessed, fashion frenetic or talented hair, clothes or home designers who were also obsessed with sex. When I ventured into West Hollywood, I saw many gay men with designer clothing, effeminate attitudes, and many had mentioned they worked in retail, or some variation of the design industry. I had therefore assumed that to be gay was to be just like everyone else, and within six months I had spent nearly $2,000 on designer clothes, learned about designer brands and labels, and transformed my personality into a rude, superficial and mindless drone. To answer the question of who is defining the gay identity, the answer seems to be both an individual’s personal choice to conform and the mainstream media creating an environment, which may be unrealistic but still somewhat relatable.

Elle Woods conformed to the standards of what was expected of her to become a lawyer, but what made her unique was her ability to be an individual in a system that demanded commonality. Elle excelled in school, won a case, upgraded to a better man and kicked Warner to the curb while holding true to her fashion sense and personal values. The ability for Elle Woods to figure out who she is and to feel confident enough to express her individuality takes much longer than a two-hour film can show. Gay men may start off as stereotypical glamazons, but eventually will discovery and develop a sense of individuality. The question is, “How?” For me, the answer was Michaela, my first fag hag who showed me how to be me. Meeting her a few months after Mike was the equivalent of Elle being helped by her friends to move on and evolve into who she was supposed to be. The gift of the fag hag is the glue that holds the gay individual and community together. We are essential to one another as air is to breath, but the dynamics and adventures of having one of these spectacular ladies are the stepping stones required to break the generic stereotypes, a process that allowed me to discover what it meant to be Michael Baumwohl.

Goffman, E. (1957). The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. New York, NY:

Doubleday.