It’s a Bit Pitchy, Dawg

Part One: Wiley’s Idol Watch

Now granted, I haven’t been watching the show all that long, but this has to be one of the most brutal seasons I’ve ever seen. I’m starting to wonder if anyone will ever be good enough for these judges. First they’re too creative, then they’re too boring. Then they’re on top of their game, then they’re, to quote Kara, “done.” And of course Simon is as demonic and unmerciful as ever. I mean, of course he’s a riot and the reason we all watch the show, but he just can’t give anyone a break. Although he is known to always pick a favorite. Like Adam Lambert last year, this year he has again chosen a front-runner to lead the pack, and that would of course be Crystal Bowersox. With her dreadlocks, her acoustic guitar, and visual stench of patchouli how could we all not love her? She’s the anti-Idol and she’s killing the competition. It’s too perfect.

But she is a rare breed this season. Since the judges feel that honesty is what they’re dishing up this year, let me be the first to fall in line. This season pales in comparison to what we had last year. True, there are a couple good singers worth sticking around for, but why did we need to narrow it down from 24 to 12? I would say about 16 of those 24 could have been axed immediately. Perfect example, what the hell is Tim Urban still doing on the show? He clearly can’t sing and is supposedly getting by on “being cute.” I don’t get it! They cut people who are cute all the time! Why is he the exception? And people who were actually worth watching every week, ahem, Todrick Hall, are sent home because…well, actually I couldn’t tell you. He was amazing. And cute.

What’s worse than the contestants is the pathetic attempts by Ellen to transfer her genius comedy to Idol judging. This was an experiment gone horribly awry. In all fairness it seemed like a good decision to everyone, and I for one was really excited to see her on the show. Then she started trying to give criticism. Her comments typically range from “I like your personality,” to, “It just wasn’t the right song for you, but I like you.” She’s like a watered down Paula. And at least with Paula we got a heavy dosage of crazy that was always entertaining. This is just wrong.

So what’s the point of watching? Well, I would say there are a couple people who have surprised me. First of all, Siobhan. Holy crap. Talk about another Adam Lambert on our hands. She’s wild and unpredictable and can belt like her life depended on it. Definitely someone to watch for. Then there’s my favorite, Andrew Garcia, who, although has had many disappointing weeks, will leave the show with a phenomenal album because he’s got a raspy, sexy voice and a cool, indie style, even if the Idol platform isn’t exactly working for him. Another one to look for is Michael Lynche, the first of the top 12 to make me cry. His soul singing is on a totally different level, and that big teddy bear’s not going anywhere any time soon. Lastly of course, Crystal. She is definitely something else. Watching her win the show will certainly be a pleasant surprise worth sticking around for. Although I find it hard that I’ll be surprised again after watching Kris Allen win last year. Who knows, though? Maybe Tim Urban will sweep the whole thing.